A lovely long weekend in the Netherlands….
You’ve been gone for almost two years now. I still miss you. I miss your presence, your laughter, your voice, your smell, your squeezing hugs, your skin, you. Even now, this broken heart of mine still loves you so very much. My mind still can’t accept that you are gone, dead. My heart still questions why. There is no answer. Only void. Only darkness.
I hope you are happy, that you are free, that because you are shining so brightly, that I can’t see you.
I hope I can let you go. That you can let me go. That I will stop grieving. To love again. To feel my heart pound, my stomach flutter. The excitement of a kiss, a touch.
God. I miss you so damn much.
Could you just… just come back to me?
Samuji Fall Winter 2012
I rode my bike yesterday for a long ride in a glorious autumn’s day. It evoked the emotions of being grateful and lucky. I was grateful and lucky for being here, at that moment, in good health, with good friends, for being alive, for knowing to appreciate how rare these moments are when I am fully aware of these glorious moments. For not having to work on yet another weekend, to be inside a room, looking at microscopy images. If only, one can remember that glorious feeling of the warm sun on my skin, the breeze on my face, the river flowing so gracefully and calmly next to you as you cycle along it, a friend close by, talking and sharing details of her life.
Sometimes, what life needs is just a bicycle ride in a glorious weather.
"Happiness is a lasting state which does not seem to be made for man in this world. Everything here on earth is in a continual flux which allows nothing to assume any constant form. All things change round about us, we ourselves change, and no one can be sure of loving tomorrow what he loves today. All our plans of happiness in this life are therefore empty dreams. Let us make the most of peace of mind when it comes to us, taking care to do nothing to drive it away, but not making plans to hold it fast, since such plans are sheer folly. I have seen few if any happy people, but I have seen many who were contented, and of all the sights that have come my way this is the one that has left me most contented myself."
- Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Reveries of the Solitary Walker
Watching: Full house
It has always been the same.
It is time for change. It is really, really time to let go
Watching: To kill a mockingbird